


Paperwork

by spookyscaryskeletons (Buttons15)



Series: the 100 but the gays live and the science makes sense i guess [4]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Bureaucracy, Comedy, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:34:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25741396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buttons15/pseuds/spookyscaryskeletons
Summary: “You need me to do what?!”  Lexa sat up, throwing the blankets off in sheer surprise.Clarke raised her head from the pillow, eyes half-shut from sleep, blonde hair falling over her bare shoulders. Lexa would love to roll over her and kiss the back of her neck, but unfortunately, she had a pressing issue to see to. As always. Such was her life.The unusual thing being, the problem was of a personal nature.“To request the annulment of my engagement.”--(in which all weddings in the Ark are arranged marriages to keep the power among the select few.)(it should have changed, when they got to the ground, but it kinda didn't)
Relationships: Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Series: the 100 but the gays live and the science makes sense i guess [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1848448
Comments: 85
Kudos: 431





	Paperwork

**Author's Note:**

> it was very funny in my head

“You need me to do _what?!”_ Lexa sat up, throwing the blankets off in sheer surprise.

Clarke raised her head from the pillow, eyes half-shut from sleep, blonde hair falling over her bare shoulders. Lexa would love to roll over her and kiss the back of her neck, but unfortunately, she had a pressing issue to see to. As always. Such was her life.

The unusual thing being, the problem was of a personal nature.

“To request the annulment of my engagement.” Clarke said, pushing herself up and rubbing her eyes. She gave Lexa a look of sympathy. “It’s been what, almost four months since I turned twenty. If you don’t request it anytime soon, I’ll default get married at twenty-one and undoing _that_ is a much bigger issue. At least put in the request, it’ll halt the automatic progression.”

Lexa blinked, bewildered. “You’re engaged?”

Clarke frowned. “I never told you?”

“You most definitely did not?!”

“Huh.” Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa’s shoulders and pulled her back into the blankets. “To be fair, it slipped my mind entirely. I only remembered it because I got an email from the Ark reminding me to set the date.”

Lexa pouted. It was undignified, but Clarke didn’t mind, and Lexa loved the attention she got from it.

Sure enough, Clarke rolled over her and kissed her lips. “Don’t give me that face. It’s just stupid Ark bureaucracy. We’re all supposed to get arranged married. You won’t catch Raven or Murphy complaining about it because no one really cared to enforce it, but among the traditionally political families, it was a big deal.”

She hugged Clarke’s neck and nuzzled her collarbones. “So who were you supposed to marry? Bellamy?”

Clarke laughed, a delightful chuckle that vibrated over Lexa’s chest. “Why Bellamy in particular?”

“I don’t know.” Lexa blinked. “He’s very competent? You’d be a good match.”

“Perhaps. But the whole point of arranged marriages is keeping the power and the luxury among a select few. And it just so happens that Bellamy… was a poor sod.” She pressed a kiss against Lexa’s forehead. “No, I was set to marry Wells.”

“Wells.” Lexa frowned.

“Yes, love.”

“Wells is your friend.”

“Yes, love.” She bumped her nose against Lexa’s. “He’s sweet. Cute, too. All in all, I wouldn’t have minded.”

Lexa pouted again. Clarke laughed again.

“Are you sure you don’t want to marry h –“

“Don’t even finish.” Clarke covered Lexa’s lips with her index. “You never let _me_ ask this kind of stupid question. It’s only fair that you don’t get to ask them, either.”

“Okay,” Lexa mumbled. “What do I have to do?”

“Request to marry me in his stead.”

Lexa felt her cheeks warm up. “Are you _sure_ –“

“Aren’t you?”

She scowled. “I hate when you do this. I hate when you answer my questions with other questions which are actually traps.”

Clarke grinned. She was certainly in good spirits that morning, probably amused by Lexa’s current predicament. Lexa brushed her thumb on Clarke’s cheek, appreciating the cool of Clarke’s freckled skin. When Clarke leaned in to kiss her, she felt her heart skip a beat.

“What about now?” Clarke pressed their lips together and smiled. “Feeling a bit more certain?”

She let herself enjoy the kiss a little before sighing. “It just worries me because you’re so young.”

“You’re only two years older,” Clarke pointed out, persistently kissing the corner of Lexa’s mouth. “And don’t worry. You don’t know Ark bureaucracy. If you start today, maybe three years from now you’ll get the authorization for us to get engaged.”

Lexa felt somewhat prickled at that. “I don’t need anyone’s authorization to take a wife. I’m the Commander.” She paused. “Except yours. Cause you’d be the bride.”

“You’re such a sweetheart.” Clarke laid her head down on Lexa’s chest, and Lexa tangled her fingers on Clarke’s hair. “And of course you don’t. This is just… it’s a formality.” She poked Lexa’s shoulder. “A way for everyone to know that if I die, you should get all my stuff.”

“I don’t like the talk of you dying.”

Clarke sighed. “I know. It’s a joke, but I forget that it upsets you.” She threw her arm over Lexa’s waist. “I’m sorry.”

Lexa kissed the top of her head. “It’s okay. Thank you.” She took a deep breath. “Will you show me how?”

“Mmh-hm. Make no mistakes. You’re about to enter a war.”

“I am?” She tensed and tried to sit up, but Clarke pushed her back down.

“Relax. It’s just a war of bureaucracy. Against my mom. You better brace yourself.”

“It can’t be that bad.” Lexa hesitated. “Can it?”

Clarke broke into a fit of giggles.

\--

February 2nd, 2152

Request of engagement annulment

_Please bear in mind: all engagements have been pre-selected for Ark citizens from generations two (2) to twenty (20), in accord with the 2055 constitution, calculated and optimized to keep a viable genetic pool, aiming for maximum survivability through the generations._

_Please bear in mind: all requests must be filled by the party external to the pre-selected couple. This offers a better basis for comparison of selected-versus-requesting parties._

Requester name: LEXA

Requester surname: ####

Desired partner name: CLARKE

Desired partner surname: GRIFFIN

Pre-selected partner name: WELLS

Pre-selected partner surname: JAHA

Entry: 21520003

\--

REJECTED

Entry 21520003

Type: Engagement annulment, first step

Cause of rejection: Requester does not possess a birth certificate.

_[Chancellor A. Griffin]_

\--

United Ark Federation

Office of Population Control

Birth Certificate Request

Requester Surname: KOM TRIKRU

Requester Name: LEXA

Date of Birth: DECEMBER 21, 2128

Location of birth: TONDC

Request number: 2152008

\--

REJECTED

Entry 2152008

Type: Birth Certificate.

Cause of rejection: Witness of birth required for emission of certificate.

_[Chancellor A. Griffin]_

\--

“I don’t understand.”

Clarke was lying on a hammock, lazily basking under the morning sun. She opened a single eye and gave Lexa a quizzical look.

“It says I need a witness of my birth?”

Clarke scoffed. “Yes. Because your parents are not on our database, they need a witness to prove you were born.”

Lexa blinked and gave her a bewildered look. “A witness to prove I was born,” She repeated. “But I’m here. I was definitely born. I’m the witness.”

Clarke laughed. Lexa began walking to the window, but Clarke sat up and intercepted her halfway, pulling her into the hammock with her.

Lexa let out an _oomph_ that turned into a quiet chuckle and then into a smile when Clarke kissed her neck, then her lips.

“I suppose I can find my midwife.” She mumbled in resignation.

Clarke smiled, then kissed her again.

\--

REJECTED

Entry 2152011

Type: Birth Certificate.

Cause of rejection: ‘TonDC’ not found on United Ark Federation database.

_[Chancellor A. Griffin]_

\--

United Ark Federation

Office of Geography and Navigation

Request of Inclusion for non-ARK based settlements, colonies or populations.

Settlement name: TONDC

Settlement location: EARTH

Settlement coordinates: 38.9072° N, 77.0369° W

Entry 2152015

\--

REJECTED

Entry 2152015

Type: Settlement Inclusion

Cause of rejection: Requester does not possess a birth certificate.

_[Chancellor A. Griffin]_

\--

Lexa stared at the paper, then at Clarke, who was flipping through a book on the couch, then back at the paper.

“Klark,” she mumbled, and Clarke raised her eyes from the page. “Klark, it says I can’t register TonDC as a settlement because I don’t have a birth certificate, but I can’t have a birth certificate because I was born in TonDC and it’s not a registered settlement. Klark, I don’t _get it –“_

Clarke laughed so hard, Lexa thought she was going to fall down.

\--

APPROVED

Entry 2152016

Type: Settlement Inclusion

Details: ‘TonDC’ settlement registered under GRIFFIN, CLARKE, Location EARTH, Coordinates 38.9072° N, 77.0369° W.

_[Chancellor A. Griffin]_

\--

APPROVED

Entry 2152018

Type: Birth Certificate

Surname: kom Trikru

Name: Lexa

Date of birth: December 21, 2128

Location of birth: Settlement of TonDC

ID number: 2128EARTH01

_[Chancellor A. Griffin]_

\--

APPROVED

Entry 2152022

Type: Engagement annulment, first step

Details: Proceed to second step.

_[Chancellor A. Griffin]_

\--

She held the ID card between her thumb and index finger. She’d gone in full battle armor to take the picture, but they made her take off the makeup and put on a stupid striped shirt, so she looked miserable, ridiculous and undignified.

“I hate it.” She scowled.

Clarke snatched it off her hands. “What? You look lovely. You always do.”

Lexa tried to take it back, but Clarke dodged her, and Lexa pouted. “I look stupid.”

“You’re in flannel. It’s absurdly sexy.”

Lexa tried to take it again. Clarke bolted and jumped over the bed, laughing. 

“Give it to me. Let me destroy it. Or at least hide it.”

“Absolutely not.” She slid the card into her pocket. “I’m keeping it. On my wallet, to remember you by. A picture of the missus. I can show it to everyone and brag about what a lucky woman I am.”

Lexa blushed furiously at that, and thew herself into the bed face-first to hide it. “Okay,” she mumbled. “It says the annulment was approved, too?”

“The first step.” Clarke corrected.

Lexa felt Clarke’s fingers on her scalp and made an embarrassing sound of pleasure. “How many steps are there?”

“I don’t know.”

“What’s the next step?”

“I don’t know.”

She lifted her head from the bedsheets and glared. “Klark.”

“Yes, love?”

“I hate this.”

Clarke smiled and poked Lexa’s side, tickling her, making her roll on her side between fits of giggles. “Then let me make it up to you.”

\--

June 10th, 2152

Request of engagement annulment – Second Step

_Please bear in mind: Given the Ark’s limited genetic pool, this step means to avoid accidental incestuous unions. Please fill in the data regarding familial relationships._

Requester surname: KOM TRIKRU

Requester location of birth: TONDC

Requester current living location: POLIS

Desired partner surname: GRIFFIN

Desired partner location of birth: ARK STATION, USA

Desired partner current living location: POLIS

Pre-selected partner surname: JAHA

Pre-selected partner location of birth: ARK STATION, USA

Pre-selected partner current living location: ARKADIA

Entry 2152023

\--

REJECTED

Entry 2152023

Type: Engagement annulment, second step.

Cause of rejection: ‘Polis’ not found on United Ark Federation database. ‘Arkadia’ not found on United Ark Federation database.

_[Chancellor A. Griffin]_

\--

APPROVED

Entry 2152024

Type: Settlement Inclusion

Details: ‘Polis’ settlement registered under KOM TRIKRU, LEXA, Location EARTH, Coordinates 39.2904° N, 76.6122° W.

_[Chancellor A. Griffin]_

\--

APPROVED

Entry 2152025

Type: Settlement Inclusion

Details: ‘Arkadia’ settlement registered under JAHA, WELLS, Location EARTH, Coordinates 39.0840° N, 77.1528° W.

_[Chancellor A. Griffin]_

\--

REJECTED

Entry 2152026

Type: Engagement Annulment, Second Step.

Cause of Rejection: Could not find ‘kom Trikru’ genealogical data on Ark database.

_[Chancellor A. Griffin]_

\--

“What now?” She scowled, glaring at the paper as if she could set it on fire with the sheer power of her loathing.

Clarke walked over to her desk to see the paper, stopping behind Lexa’s chair. She placed her hands on Lexa’s shoulders and knead the muscles there while she peeked at the document.

Lexa groaned when she started working at her dozens of muscle knots.

“They don’t have enough data on Trikru to be sure we’re not related.”

Lexa threw her head back and gave Clarke a blank look. “We’re not related. You lived among the stars. I was on Earth. There’s no way we can be related.”

“I know, love.”

“This is stupid.”

“I know, love.” Lexa sighed. Clarke leaned in and kissed her cheek. “I know just the way around it. I’ll ask Wells to put in the request for birth certificates for every member of the Coalition.”

“Every member?” Lexa frowned. “That’s thousands of people, Klark.”

“That’s the point.” She playfully tugged on Lexa’s ear. “Don’t worry, I’ll solve this one. Just focus on your work. I’ll get you a coffee.”

It was all it took for Lexa to forget the frustration.

For the next few days, at least.

\--

United Ark Federation

Office of Population Control

Pending Request Search Results

Requester Surname: KOM TRIKRU

_[2347 new or pending requests found]_

Requester Surname: KOM FLOURKU

_[775 new or pending requests found]_

Requester Surname: KOM YUJLEDA

_[1895 new or pending requests found]_

_[previous | next]_

\--

United Ark Federation

Office of the Chancellor

Manual Override Log

Entry 2152026

Type: Engagement annulment, second step.

Current status: REJECTED

New status: APPROVED

Details: Likelihood of familial relationship minimal. Proceed to third step.

\--

November 29th, 2152

Request of engagement annulment – Third Step

_Please bear in mind: given the Ark’s limited resources and wealth, particularly in regards to oxygen, rations and water, an assessment of the requester’s possessions, debts and socioeconomical status shall be performed, in order to protect each member of the process from marriages with intended secondary gain._

Requester: LEXA KOM TRIKRU

Requester occupation: COMMANDER OF THE 12 CLANS COALITION

Desired partner: CLARKE GRIFFIN

Desired partner occupation: PHYSICIAN

Pre-selected partner: WELLS JAHA

Pre-selected partner occupation: AMBASSADOR

Entry 2152037

\--

REJECTED

Entry 2152037

Type: Engagement Annulment, Third Step.

Cause of Rejection: Could not find ‘Commander of the 12 Clans Coalition’ in the United Ark Federation occupational database. Please submit protocol with another profession or request equivalence with a current recognized occupation.

_[Chancellor A. Griffin]_

\--

“What is this about?” Lexa pushed her office chair around the room.

Clarke took the paper from her hands, read it, then sighed. “Seems like step three is where they check if you can…” Clarke paused, and Lexa knew she would absolutely loathe Clarke’s next words. “If you can provide for me.”

“If I can – what the fuck?!” She jumped to her feet. “Of course I can provide for you. I’m Commander. I rule over the entire inhabitable world. I will give you the best life – this doesn’t even make sense. You’re a _Fisa_. You can provide for yourself.”

“I know, love.”

“Klark, all of this is so infuriatingly pointless.”

“I know, love.”

Lexa snatched the paper form her hands, placed it on top of her chair, then turned back to Clarke. “Why? Why won’t your _nomon_ give me her blessing? Why does she hate me so?”

“She doesn’t hate you,” Clarke said with very little conviction.

“Klark…” Lexa whined.

Clarke grinned, then pulled her into a hug. “Well, maybe a little.”

“Why?” Lexa rested her chin on top of Clarke’s head. “What have I done to deserve this? Do I not care for you? Do I not make you happy? I don’t understand.”

“I think it’s a matter of principles. Mom doesn’t want me to marry a warlord.” Clarke rubbed the small of Lexa’s back. “And she particularly doesn’t want me to marry someone with more power than she has.”

“But I love you.” Lexa protested, and felt Clarke’s smile against the skin of her neck. “I love you so very much.”

“Don’t worry. She’ll give in.”

“You think so?” Lexa pulled back to look at her.

“Nah. Not really. But she’ll retire, eventually. She only has two more years to her mandate anyhow.”

Lexa pouted. Clarke stood on the tips of her toes and gave Lexa’s lips a peck.

“She sees herself in you, I think.” Clarke took Lexa’s hands. “You remind her of the difficult decisions she’s had to make. At the end of the day, she didn’t want this life for me. Even if she did raise me for it.”

Lexa met Clarke’s eyes. “Is it the life you want for yourself?”

“Psh. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think about a peaceful life on a countryside farm, sometimes. But that would grow boring really quick.” She brought Lexa’s hands to her lips and kissed them. “With you, things are always exciting.”

Lexa felt her heart leap. “Thank you.” She swallowed dry, still looking at the blue of Clarke’s irises. “For letting me have this experience with you.”

“The wonderful experience of bureaucracy?”

Lexa looked at the paper on top of her chair. “It’s awful, but it seems to amuse you, and I get to see you laugh.”

“What an impossible charmer you are.”

_\--_

United Ark Federation

Office of Labor and Wealth

Request of occupational activity equivalence

Requester: LEXA KOM TRIRKU

Primary activity: COMMANDER OF THE 12 CLANS COALITION

Please add a short description of what your profession entails: I RULE OVER THE 12 CLANS COALITION

Equivalent activity: CHANCELLOR

Please include a short explanation of why you think those activities are equivalent: THE CHANCELLOR RULES OVER THE 12 STATIONS COALITION

Entry 2152045

\--

REJECTED

Entry 2152045

Type: Occupational equivalence

Cause of rejection: Chancellor is not a military role.

_[Chancellor A. Griffin]_

_\--_

United Ark Federation

Office of Labor and Wealth

Request of occupational activity equivalence

Requester: LEXA KOM TRIRKU

Primary activity: COMMANDER OF THE 12 CLANS COALITION

Please add a short description of what your profession entails: I COMMAND ALL OF THE TROOPS IN THE COALITION

Equivalent activity: CAPITAIN OF THE GUARD

Please include a short explanation of why you think those activities are equivalent: THE CAPTAIN OF THE GUARD COMMANDS ALL OF THE TROOPS IN THE ARK

Entry 2152046

\--

REJECTED

Entry 2152046

Type: Occupational equivalence

Cause of rejection: Captain of the guard is a role with exclusively military purposes and holds no legislative attributions.

_[Chancellor A. Griffin]_

\--

“I have no idea what this means, Klark.”

“Trust me. This one is incredibly specific. It will work.”

\--

United Ark Federation

Office of Labor and Wealth

Request of occupational activity equivalence

Requester: LEXA KOM TRIRKU

Primary activity: COMMANDER OF THE 12 CLANS COALITION

Please add a short description of what your profession entails: I HOLD MILITARY AND LEGISLATIVE POWER OVER THE LANDS OF THE UNITED STATES

Equivalent activity: PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES UNDER MARTIAL RULE

Please include a short explanation of why you think those activities are equivalent: THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES UNDER MARTIAL RULE HOLDS MILITARY AND LEGISLATIVE POWER OVER THE LANDS OF THE UNITED STATES

Entry 2152051

\--

APPROVED

Entry 2152051

Type: Occupational equivalence

Details: Specific match attending to the norms of equivalence.

_[Chancellor A. Griffin]_

\--

APPROVED

Entry 2153002

Type: Engagement Annulment, Third Step.

Details: Requester occupation found to be of equivalent or superior socioeconomic status and similar area or scope as pre-selected partner’s occupation.

Likelihood of marriage for secondary gain deemed low.

Proceed to final step.

_[Chancellor A. Griffin]_

\--

March 4th, 2153

Request of engagement annulment – Fourth Step

_Please bear in mind: arranged marriages are yet another way to protect the people of the Ark. When couples are broken up, they must be rearranged, and the populational database must be adjusted accordingly. This may be cause of great social unrest and have unforeseen consequences._

_Please present strong justifications for why this alteration would be beneficial._

Requester: LEXA KOM TRIKRU

Desired partner: CLARKE GRIFFIN

Pre-selected partner: WELLS JAHA

Please justify your request: CLARKE AND WELLS DO NOT WANT TO MARRY EACH OTHER AND CLARKE AND I ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP

Entry 2153005

\--

REJECTED

Entry 2153005

Type: Engagement Annulment, Fourth Step.

Cause of Rejection: Affinity is not considered a valid justification for engagement annulment, according to the 2055 constitution.

_[Chancellor A. Griffin]_

\--

Lexa laid on the fur rug and stared at the ceiling. “Maybe I should just fight Wells to the death for your hand.”

She was only half kidding. Maybe twenty-five per cent kidding.

“Please, don’t.” Wells muttered from the table, and Lexa sighed.

It was unfortunate that she actually liked Wells. Had it been Jasper or Finn, she would not have hesitated on bringing the blades out.

Instead, she tossed the latest rejection in her miserably growing pile of documents and sat up. She watched Clarke and Well’s chess game, because the paperwork was miserable and chess was not fun and when she added the two together what she got was an evening of alternating levels of pain.

“If it counts for anything, I’m just as desperate for this annulment to come out as you two,” Wells said, then moved his bishop across the board.

Clarke narrowed her eyes and examined the new position carefully. “You got a girl you want to put a ring on?”

“Her name is Sasha.” 

“Sasha kom Bouldalan?” Lexa crossed her legs. “Lovely girl. Excellent archer.”

Wells raised his head to look at her, and Clarke moved a pawn forward.

“That’s the one.” He turned his attention back to the board. “We’re far from ready for marriage, we’ve only been dating for a couple months, but the entire ‘engaged to another girl’ thing is a bit awkward.”

Lexa stood and walked over to them. “I hope you two find happiness,” she said, then grabbed Clarke’s knight and moved it in an L.

Immediately, Clarke’s eyes widened.

“No!” Wells slapped his own leg in frustration. “I _had_ her! This is cheating. You’re ruining my game!”

“You’re hogging my bride,” Lexa countered, putting a hand on Clarke’s shoulder for emphasis.

“… fair enough.”

Clarke brushed her fingers against Lexa’s. “We’ll keep trying, love. Perseverance is key.” She kissed Lexa’s knuckles. “And mom’s mandate ends next year, anyhow. Besides, it is kind of funny.”

“It’s humiliating.” Lexa mumbled. “I’m an excellent partner. I shouldn’t have to beg, unless the circumstances are sexual and previously agreed on -”

“Too much information!” Wells interrupted, and Lexa had the delight of seeing Clarke turn a bright shade of pink. He moved a pawn on the board, then raised his head, surprised. “Wait, the Commander is the bottom between the two of you? Really?”

“Wells, this is absolutely none of your –“

“We take turns, like adults.” Lexa supplied, and Clarke punched her on the hip.

Lexa laughed.

“She’s the little spoon, though.” Clarke muttered. “It’s funny, because she always falls asleep holding me, but I always wake up holding her. So, you know. Subconscious little spoon or something.”

“I’m a bottom.” Wells offered. “And a little spoon.”

Clarke frowned and advanced her queen three squares forward. “Thanks for that information! I hate it!”

“That’s what best friends are for.” Wells moved his bishop backwards, blocking the king. “Besides, you should know my preferences. You’re my fiancée.”

Lexa scowled, grabbed the black rook and moved it to the side. Wells grinned and made his move. Lexa pushed a pawn forward, glaring. Wells used his bishop to capture the pawn, and Lexa used the rook to capture the bishop. They moved the pieces, each taking a turn faster than the previous, with Lexa slamming the pieces down with increasing strength.

Clarke looked from Wells to Lexa and back. “Are you two… aggressively chess-ing each other out for me?”

“Yes.” Lexa scanned the board with a scowl.

“I’m just doing it to make your girlfriend jealous.” Wells tapped his finger on the table. “It’s hilarious. She’s so damn protective. Here, look.” He moved his knight. “I’ve captured… your queen. Heh. Heheheh.”

Lexa’s scowl deepened. “I loathe this game. It’s not remotely fun.”

Wells laughed. “Calling it quits, Commander?”

Lexa’s only answer was to move her king diagonally.

“What are you –“ His eyes widened. “Oh, no _way._ ”

Lexa smirked. “Make your move.”

He threw his hands up in the air. “All right. I’ll admit, I didn’t see that coming.”

“Make. Your. Move.”

Wells blinked. “Well, okay. I concede.” Lexa nodded, and he grinned wide. “The game, not the fiancée.”

“I am going to kill you.”

Wells laughed, and Clarke joined, standing up. She hugged Lexa’s neck and nuzzled her collarbone, and Lexa pulled her into an embrace, still surly. Clarke kissed her jaw, still giggling, and Lexa felt her moodiness dissolve.

“Don’t make Sasha go through _Skaikru_ bureaucracy.” She tangled her fingers on Clarke’s hair. “She’ll give up on you.”

“Oh, definitely.” He began moving the white pieces back to their original places on the board. “But fortunately, once you break up our engagement, I can spare her by filing a request of no rematch.”

“Ah. I bear the weight so my people don’t have to.”

Clarke scoffed, then broke into laughter again. Lexa’s smile in response was almost involuntary. She couldn’t help being happy when Clarke was happy, and besides, Wells had a goofy grin which was infectious.

“Honestly, you’re taking a bomb off my hands.” He finished with the white pieces and moved to rearrange the black ones. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, Clarke is a catch. But god damn I could _not_ handle Abby as a mother-in-law.”

Lexa did not think it wise to diss a foreign dignitary, so she settled for looking Wells in the eyes and nodding very, very slowly.

Clarke punched her shoulder anyway.

Wells laughed. “You should call Abby 'mom'. See how well that goes for you.”

“You should _not_.” Clarke rested her cheek against Lexa’s chest. “It’ll just make her even more vexed.”

Lexa decided maybe Wells had the right idea, after all.

\--

REJECTED

Entry 2153008

Type: Engagement Annulment, Fourth Step.

Cause of Rejection: Adoption procedures are limited to citizens aged seventeen (17) or younger. Please refer to our professional orientation or mentorship programs if you are in need of a guiding figure.

_[Chancellor A. Griffin]_

\--

REJECTED

Entry 2153012

Type: Engagement Annulment, Fourth Step.

Cause of Rejection: Investigation concluded. Extensive evidence points to the fact that GRIFFIN, CLARKE and JAHA, WELLS are not mortal enemies, as suggested on request.

Refer to EARTH215301 for log.

_[Chancellor A. Griffin]_

\--

REJECTED

Entry 2153015

Type: Engagement Annulment, Fourth Step.

Cause of Rejection: The United Ark Federation, under the Feb/2075 addendum to the 2055 constitution, no longer considers dowries as relevant factors on marriage analysis.

_[Chancellor A. Griffin]_

\--

United Ark Federation

Office of the Chancellor

Request of Data Inclusion as Factor in Analytic Evaluation Process

Process type: Engagement Annulment, Fourth Step

Data type: Dowry

Status: REJECTED

Details: ‘A two headed cow’ for dowry does not significantly impact the engagement match process enough to be added into the AI calculations.

Entry 2153017

_[Chancellor A. Griffin]_

\--

United Ark Federation

Office of Farming and Food Provisioning

Request for taxonomical classification of edible specimen

Process number: 2153033

Conclusion: A two headed cow may be accounted for as two cows if each of the heads has a distinct and independent central nervous system.

_[ M. Green]_

\--

United Ark Federation

Office of the Chancellor

Request of Data Inclusion as Factor in Analytic Evaluation Process

Process type: Engagement Annulment, Fourth Step

Data type: Dowry

Status: REJECTED

Details: ‘Two one-headed cows joined at the torso’ for dowry do not significantly impact the engagement match process enough to be added into the AI calculations.

Entry 2153041

_[Chancellor A. Griffin]_

\--

REJECTED

Entry 2153012

Type: Engagement Annulment, Fourth Step.

Cause of Rejection: KOM PODAKRU, ADEN is not registered on Ark database as the son of GRIFFIN, CLARKE and KOM TRIKRU, LEXA. Wedding annulment due to shared parenthood is only accepted for verified parents of registered minors. Proof of parenthood is required.

Please refer to Ark constitution of 2055 for further details.

Entry 2153055

_[Chancellor A. Griffin]_

\--

“I don’t understand this celebration.” Lexa twirled her glass, watching the bubbly drink inside it swirl.

“Grounders celebrate the new year, too. Just at another date.” Clarke sat on the couch, wearing a breathtaking Skaikru dress that let far too much of her legs exposed.

Lexa had a hard time looking her in the eyes. “Yes, at the _spring equinox_ , rather than some arbitrary day in the middle of winter.”

“Fair enough.” Clarke took the glass from her hand, had a taste of it, then handed it back. “You don’t like the Champagne?”

“It has bubbles.”

“Yes, love. That’s the whole point of it.”

“It’s weird.” She sipped on the drink, then stuck out her tongue, frowning. “Skaikru is weird. Your drinks are weird and your celebrations are weird and your clothes look –“ She eyed Clarke up and down. “Weird.”

Clarke arched an eyebrow. “That’s what you think of the dress?”

“I think it is very revealing.” Clarke smiled, then moved to sit on Lexa’s lap. Lexa’s breath hitched, and she put her glass on the table next to the couch and placed her hands over Clarke’s waist. “Klark, you’re drunk.”

“A little bit.” Clarke kissed her slowly, and Lexa could taste the Champagne on her lips. “Maybe more than a little bit.”

“I should get you some water.”

Clarke pressed their foreheads together. “You should, but let me kiss you a little more. You look positively stunning, love. As always.” She kissed Lexa again, messy and eager.

Lexa smiled, but pulled away. “Klark, you’re very drunk.” She kissed Clarke on the cheek, then snuck one arm under Clarke’s knees, another behind her neck, and stood. She carried Clarke to the bed and laid her down, then kissed her forehead. “The water. I’ll go fetch it.”

“Yes, my queen.”

“Commander.” Lexa corrected, walking to the table to pick up a jug. She filled a glass with water, then walked back to the bed. “Commander is a higher title than queen.”

“My _Heda_. Commander of my love.” Lexa pulled her up with one hand and brought the glass to her lips. Clarke drunk, choked, coughed, then drunk some more. “Ruler of the whole planet, babying a shitfaced me. Who would have thought?”

Lexa frowned. She put the glass on the nightstand. “You are talkative and flirty when inebriated.”

“I’m a _criminal_.” Clarke pulled Lexa on top of her, and Lexa barely managed to not crash on her entirely. She climbed on the bed and laid next to Clarke, who rolled on her side to face Lexa. “I’m the criminal, but you’re the thief who stole my heart away.”

“Klark, this is silly.”

Clarke pressed her palms on Lexa’s cheeks and squished. “Just look at you. Look at you! Your eyes are the most stunning shade of green I have ever seen. I keep trying to replicate it in my paintings but I can never quite match the hue.”

Lexa felt her cheeks burn and told herself it was just because they were being pinched. “Klark –“

“And I haven’t even talked about your absolutely sculptural body – I mean you picked me up as if I weighted nothing. Your arms are like a pair of guns.“ She ran a finger over Lexa’s arm. “Look at those biceps.”

Lexa blinked, sheepish.

“Look.” Clarke met Lexa’s eyes. “I know you won’t lay a finger on me tonight because I’m drunk and you have morals. But tomorrow, okay? Tomorrow morning, even, if I’m not wrecked by a hangover. I think I deserve to celebrate my engagement and I want to do it in a very sexual way –“

“Wait.” She frowned. “Why tomorrow? Did the papers get approved?”

“They will, tomorrow, because my mom finally leaves office, and I’m filing them again first thing in the morning.”

“Oh.” She was unexpectedly swept by an emotion that was too complicated for her to name. “You should have told me. I would have prepared a proper celebration.”

“There’s no need. It’s just a formality, really.” She tucked her head under Lexa’s chin, on that particular spot she’d long claimed as her own. “I’ll ask you properly, the Skaikru way. I’m just glad we’re done with the bureaucracy.” She interlaced their fingers. “Will you ask me, too?”

“Yeah.” Lexa blushed. She rubbed Clarke’s arms with her hands. Clarke’s skin was always colder than her own. “Of course. Would you rather me do it in Skaikru fashion? I can learn.”

“No.” Clarke cuddled up against her. “Do it the grounder way.”

“All right.” Lexa kissed the top of her head.

“That’s not the only thing I want to do in the grounder way –“

“Klark!!”

Clarke laughed.

\--

January 1st, 2154

Request of engagement annulment – Fourth Step

_Please bear in mind: arranged marriages are yet another way to protect the people of the Ark. When couples are broken up, they must be rearranged, and the populational database must be adjusted accordingly. This may be cause of great social unrest and have unforeseen consequences._

_Please present strong justifications for why this alteration would be beneficial._

Requester: LEXA KOM TRIKRU

Desired partner: CLARKE GRIFFIN

Pre-selected partner: WELLS JAHA

Please justify your request: FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THE GODS ON EARTH AND AMONG THE STARS

Entry 21540001

\--

APPROVED

Entry 2154001

Type: Engagement Annulment, Fourth Step.

Details: Amen.

_[Chancellor W. Jaha]_

**Author's Note:**

> "does lexa fill every form in caps lock"  
> yes she does
> 
> "buttons wtf is this"  
> SEVERAL OF MY PATIENTS WITH COVID ARE NOT WELL AND I WANTED TO WRITE A HAPPY COMEDIC PIECE FOR A CHANGE AND ALSO I WAS DOING MY TAXES
> 
> "yo buttons how come you didn't get covid yet???"  
> i keep asking myself the same thing


End file.
